just saw a video on motivation that discribes how it's in peoples nature to wax and wane. much like the seasons I have times of high productivity and others of not so much. I feel like I'm towards the end of a wane phase. I was in markham for two days and I was overcome with sloth. late nights on the internet and sleeping till mid afternoon. infact ( Read more... )

I am a coward. I open with this statment because I want it to be a starting point. Today was step in the direction of change.As an intelectual, the hardest part is getting out of my mind and acting, without any attachment to outcome. I must make the fact that I am enough a central part of my consciousnes. This is the pain period. I've known that it ( Read more... )

a few days ago i walking the downtown core post caribana. it was the first time in a while that I had been in a "crowd". I felt like I had a panic attack of sorts. as I walked I found myself looking at the sidewalk unable to look at people in the face. it was weird.

today I broke my bottom line. I feel like shit. um hoping telling a few people ( Read more... )

my auntie Nelly was in Toronto for a few days and just left.  I didn't really see too much of her but she managed to get into my head a bit. I've always said nobody gets under your skin like family.
you see the problem is my moms sister is extremely pushy. kinda like an angry dog. at one point I even told her she would make a great police detective ( Read more... )

I feel totally drained. Today I took someone from treatment to the ranch. It's crazy how a newcomer can suck the life out of you, but he may end up there for 3 months. I really see the importance of a network. it takes a village right?
I'm down at the Toronto marina now. took a bit of a walk to get here, but I wanted to just... think. I've been ( Read more... )

I'm in markham and as usual for when I'm here I can't sleep.  I wonder why. anyway I was on facebook and two things happened. first I discoveres another of my friends has got married and it made me lonely. (old news, but less powerful when expressed). two, i found myself disapointed by the lack of updates of the blogs of a few friends. I wonder/ ( Read more... )

I'm in markham and as usual for when I'm here I can't sleep.  I wonder why. anyway I was on facebook and two things happened. first I discoveres another of my friends has got married and it made me lonely. (old news, but less powerful when expressed). two, i found myself disapointed by the lack of updates of the blogs of a few friends. I wonder/ ( Read more... )

only half way through barbershop week and I'm already exhausted. I cannont wait for this to be all over. i love being on stage and performing, I just hate these kind of demands on my time. perhaps its just that I  not used to the grind of competition. I'll tell you, I'd be pissed if I was paying an extra hundred a night like I would if I didn't ( Read more... )

yesterday and the day before, i've been a bit nostalgic wiith my onr year comming up. on my way back from the toronto poetry slam and I stopped for a smoke at camh. Im sitting on a staircase that I used to rush my last tallcan before going in. it was while I was here I was drinking and going to meetings, a distinct low in my journey. Noe that im ( Read more... )

today was a great meeting at the message. the speaker spoke of how the steps changed how she precieved everything and how that change had a domino effect on how she behaved and reacted in every other aspect of her life. then she topped it off by telling us her father died and the funeral was last weekend.
I also had some good personal chats. G told ( Read more... )